A supernatural force is chasing me and another boy and a little two and a half year old baby. The older two of us are like protecting the younger one. We run to hide on a bed and cover ourselves with a white comforter. But the force emerges from behind us as two cocoon like figures shrouded in white sheet and quivering from top to bottom - she made motions of quivering with her hands to give expression to how those wavering figures appeared. One of them looks just like me. Both have brown hair. At that point I become evil myself. My eyes pop out of their socket. The white of the eyes become cone like and the pupils turn into points of a pen. I begin to write with those coney eyes on a big white thing, may be a big piece of paper. The writing is dripping with blood.
Isn't the dream crazy? she exclaimed and then added that the force remains in the background, camouflaged, and only steps out ever so briefly, but without actually harming us. Throughout the dream we are hiding from it. At one point instead of the boy a girl is accompanying me.
"It all made sense while dreaming but now it sounds so weird. I forget most of the finer details. If only I could remember all of it it would make such a fantastic movie."
"Who was the boy with you with whom you were taking care of the baby?"
"Actually he was pretty insignificant in the dream. His presence does not matter."
"Even if he appears insignificant to you, the fact that the dream chose to give it a representation means something significant lies behind it."
"That is not true about my dreams. All kinds of insignificant and inconsequential people appear in them. For example the other night a coworker of mine who I have no feelings for and couldn't care less about - don't mistake me he is not bad looking or anything like that - was my husband in my dream and we had a child together who I was taking care of. Now there could be no reason for the dream to show this man as my husband. And then he and I having a child?! Having children is farthest thing on my mind. So my dreams can be full of insignificance."
"Well if the dream censor objects to our motives and emotions which are trying to make their way to fulfillment in the dream towards a significant person then the dream-work will try to fool the censor by substituting an insignificant person for the former. There may be guilt associated with seeing the significant person as your husband and father of your child so you have substituted this insignificant person for him because in real life you have no feelings for him. The dream censor (conscience which never fully sleeps even while dreaming) will be clueless as to what is going on with such a deception and will allow the dream to proceed as something innocent and will not wake you up.
"Who could be such a significant person who I cannot even dream of being my husband and the father of my child?"
"Girls often have fantasies of getting a child by their father, and there is always guilt associated with such fantasies. Recall how one of your earliest memories is of your father driving away after your parents got divorced. And you told me how when you were three or four you were like your father's shadow. On your weekend visits you went everywhere with him and could not bear to be separated."
I was also familiar with some other facts about the girl which gave me reason to make the above construction. She once had a dream as a little child where she had sneaked in to her father's bedroom and could see what he was dreaming. He was dreaming of a bustling city that was hovering above his bed. A kind of floating city where all the daily activities and concerns of mankind were taking place. The dream was interpreted as her wish to make her and his dreams to co-mingle and make a dream world/city/life of their's together. Her father never married after he divorced her mother, and growing up at times she felt sorry for him and wanted so much for him to have a family life of his own
"The boy who was with me had brown hair," the girl recalled.
The psychoanalytic commentary had brought out a fragment of the dream out of amnesia/repression and now she could add that detail.
"What pictures or memories come to the mind when you think of the brown hair?"
"All my brothers have brown hair. Just like me. Mine is a little lighter. My mother's hair was brown too but darker than me, like my brothers'."
"Is that boy then your brother?"
"Yes, he is."
"Who are the two figures whom you ran for refuge but who paradoxically change into the supernatural entity itself and rise out of the bed.?"
"How do you know it is genetic?"
"Because my grandfather, her father, died from the same heart condition, at the same age, and without warning."
This conjecture could be more boldly advanced because the white shroud, the white comforter they were all per psychoanalytic theory allusion to death.
"Why would I be angry towards my mother for dying early. She had no choice over it."
"But that is not how the unconscious thinks. The child part of your unconscious mind may not reason rationally and still hold a grudge against your mother for abandoning you when you were ill prepared to take up all those responsibilities."
"I guess at times when I was young I did feel anger towards your mother. And perhaps you are right in that I no longer feel angry but sad. I am strange with my emotions. I feel them not quite the same way that they should be felt. They change in me. Often I feel opposite of what I should feel. When I am missing somebody like when I broke up with my boyfriend instead of missing him and getting sad I got angry and mean towards him. With my mom perhaps it happened the other way instead of feeling angry I felt sad and fearful.
"But now a dream comes to my mind. The other night I saw in dream this girl who I was trying to punch. But however hard I tried to hit her it did not count. For before my fist could make contact they lost power. As if I was hitting a punching doll and the impact had no effect. It was like nothing could happen to her."
"Who was this girl?"
"This girl was my old best friend. We had a fall out and we have not been friends for 10 years. We were like sisters."
"How long ago your mother died?
"So could young fall out with her was a reaction to your mother leaving you? Since your mother left you, you left your best friend as a retaliation."
"That is so interesting. Because the reason I broke up with her was because she did not come to my mother's funeral. She betrayed my mother."
"Just like you felt your mother betrayed you."
"Perhaps. But she definitely betrayed my mother. For her graduation my mother gave her 500 dollars. No one gives that kind of money for somebody who is not even their daughter, and she went on to a spring break with her boyfriend instead of coming to her funeral."
This could not be communicated and confirmed with the girl, but it looked that behind the rage and desire to punch her best friend for betraying her mother lay her own guilt of betraying her mother. In one of the sessions she stated that she feels guilty all the time; feels God will not forgive her; even after going to church and confessing to God and being reassured that God forgives all sin she could never feel pure or at least not for too long,; and that when she was a little child just telling a lie to my Mom made her feel as bad as murdering somebody. This was an unmistakable allusion to her repressed death wishes towards her mother.
And in her dream she could not punch her girlfriend with any force for she too harbored the same wish in her unconscious. To betray her mother and to replace her in the household. It was like the female version of "Hamlet". Hamlet could not kill his uncle for killing his father and sleeping with his mother because he harbored the exact same wishes.
But there appeared to be another wish behind punching her friend. It was giving vent to her anger at her mother for dying prematurely. The friend was substituting for her mother.
"Why do I not connect and hit her when I want to hit her as hard as I can?" she asked.
"If she represents your mother then the opposite impulse arising from filial piety prevents you from doing the unthinkable."
"Yes, I do have two contrary impulses. For in the dream when I turned evil it was just part of me that turned that way. While another part of me just continued to be the onlooker. The good part of me, the onlooker, was horrified at the emergence of those coney bloody eyes. And all the while I was turning evil I was determined to run away from the bad guys and not become like them. There are two sides of me a weaker scared side which joins the good guys and an evil one which sides with the bad."
"Is it possible that behind the jealousy lay some impulses to violently hurt your brothers to get even for your mother making you a girl while she made all other siblings of yours as boys."
"I don't think so. But who knows what lies in my subconscious. For once upon a time I could be superviolent if provoked."
"Is your current excessive shyness a reaction to his superviolent streak, keeping it buried by your building a wall of shyness and avoidance around you?"
"Perhaps. For you know how much I fear people."
"Is the blood dripping from your coney eyes a muted expression of this hidden violent impulses towards your brothers?"
"I don't think so. It could be. Though for me writing in blood symbolizes doing something that is carved in stone. Something whose fate is sealed in blood. It is final, like blood brothers; like blood oath."
And both of us wondered if writing with blood on that white paper in the dream was an attempt on her part to undo the fate she feels is written in stone. A fate that will strike her with cardiac arrest as it did her mother for having once harbored evil impulses towards the latter and which in her unconscious she believes had a role in causing her mother's death. For the girl does suffer from obsessive compulsive problems and does read and write all the time, perhaps to change the course of her life from its beginning.