Saturday, January 7, 2017

An exhibitionistic dream

A prolific dreamer brought this dream to the session.

I went to Susan and Gary's house. Gary was alive [In reality he passed away last part of the year]. I was surprised that he was alive. Gary said he would show Susan around and then left me alone. I put on one of his t-shirt and I was going to put on some underpants, but it was a pillowcase. Larry then said "Can't we leave you alone" and I said "probably not". Susan then came in. I felt embarrassed and humiliated.  I said I will wash everything and bring it back.

When asked for associations it turned out that the patient thirty years ago had dated Susan, but only a few times. His mother, whose strong influence had prevented him, despite being an exceptionally good artist and a highly intelligent man, from ever getting married, had put a block to his budding love for Susan through making a statement that one should go out only with someone who has a lot in common with oneself. Since Susan is Jewish and he a Catholic, he had given up on her.
He did admit, after some reflection, that this explanation is a superficial one and the real reason he did not pursue Susan further was because she was very popular when young and was going out with a number of boyfriends at the same time that she was dating him, and it was his fear of competition that had held him back. He rather defer in favor of others than face the dread of defeat. He was bullied as a child and has deep fear of other men who he rather placate than fight when confronted.  He has very little confidence in himself and admitted that his dreams are often about his bungling and making other mistakes at work and elsewhere inviting wrath of others. These inadequacies and lack of self confidence were interpreted to be symbolic representation of his lack of confidence in performing sexaully, turning him into a man who had never made love to anybody. "I am not good enough for anybody," is how he put it.
"You think you are at their house to resume your relationship with Susan now that Gary has passed away?"
"I no longer have interest in her. Yes I was interested in her when she was 18 but now I feel no attraction towards her. But you are the doctor."
The last sentence confirmed that my conjecture was right. The repressed wish could not be acknowledged but indirectly; imputing that he is not conscious of this rekindling of interest but I, as his doctor and with my superior medical knowledge, had guessed it correctly.
Gary said he would show Susan around and then left me alone could only be interpreted as wish fulfillment that Gary was exhibiting Susan and making her available. Leaving him alone perhaps alluded to his being permitted by Gary to pursue her but only in onanism not in actual physical contact.
Wearing of Gary's t-shirt and attempting to wear his underpants by pulling them up was interpreted to be his taking Gary's place with Susan.
"But why pillowcase?"
Patient said it was perhaps a wish to sleep in Gary's bed putting his head on his pillow.
I wondered if pillow was symbol of  female genitals, a place to rest head (penis) not unlike how the man's most restful place is inside the vagina (when making love) and finally in mother earth's womb (eternal rest).
Patient said the interpretation was quite likely correct and then added, "You know why I am pulling up the pillow case, because it is the opposite of pulling down the underpants."
Was it then 'reversal', a technique so often used by dreamwork to distort the true state of affairs, in this case to hide his pulling down the underpants, a preliminary step one must take before intercourse.
"Where is the humiliation part coming in from?"
Patient then confessed that he had hid this part of the dream when first telling it to me for it was so ridiculous.
The pillowcase came into the dream because it has no opening at the other end and so his legs could not go through and he was unable to pull it up higher than his knees and was thus forced to expose himself. It was this exposure/exhibitionism which was giving rise to the embarrassment and humiliation.
"How do the exchange of dialogues 'I cannot leave you alone' and 'probably not' add to the meaning of the dream?"
It is accusation by Gary that I cannot be trusted with his wife and I am agreeing with him. It is no different than how when I get really paranoid the security guards start appearing at the windows of my house  and how black cars follow me when I am on the road to keep a tab on me."
Patient all his life has slipped in and out of paranoia.
"Why are you promising them that you will wash the clothes and bring them back?"
"It is washing away the guilt of wishing to have sex with Susan. Though it hardly goes beyond my exposing myself." patient concluded the analysis of the dream.



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