"Maybe it was the commercial playing at the back of my mind impelling me to cut myself."
She could recall the very first time she cut herself.
"I was fighting with my husband and could not defend myself. So I broke a bottle and cut myself with it, and it felt so good. Cutting relieved myself of anger."
"What do you mean you see your body as somebody else's?"
"I have to treat my body as a non-self before I can cut it. But before I turn it into non-self, I have to see myself as evil and full of hatred towards others that must be destroyed. In fact sometimes I do destroy my whole house. From one end to the other. The house symbolizes me. I am destroying myself for being evil. I even hit myself. I don't feel any pain while doing it. Just relief from anger. And when it is over calm. Though tired and sleepy. Only the next day I feel as if a truck has ran over me."
My construction that this beating herself up and getting a great release from it could be a form of sexual discharge, and the immense relief and calmness and falling asleep afterwards a form of orgasm, was rejected by the patient.
Another girl confirmed that what you are cutting in yourself is the person you hate but to whom you cannot do anything by stating the following: "When I get real mad I cut my wrist and that takes away the pain. It started with my parents. I was so angry at my father that I went to stab him with the pencil I was holding but at the last minute I stabbed it on my own self. It was a tremendous relief. After that whenever my parents made me mad, I would see myself stabbing them, but it would be my wrist that I would be cutting."