Sunday, January 22, 2012

Dream of Jesus coming to one's house and its meaning

A man in his mid-fifties who has suffered from Paranoid Schizophrenia since his teenage years came to the session and requested that I raise his Loxapine from 150 to 200 mg.-   for he is unable to sleep at night.  He cannot fall asleep till 3, sometimes even 4, and to make matters worse he is unable to sleep beyond 7 am, leaving him irritable and feeling out of control for most of the day.

The patient could give no real reason for the decompensation. But when asked if anything has happened which disturbed him, he reluctantly admitted that two people in his church passed away, but he is not sure if something like that could have bothered him to this extent. "They were not that close to me. One was a 60 year old woman, a friend of my sister, but who I knew from 1975, when we were in high school. The other  was an 80 year old man, a retired pastor and his wife is so tiny, like those small people you see on TV, a dwarf, but awfully nice and pleasant woman. But I have a wife at home."

The non sequitur last sentence perked up my ears. And I had no choice but to deduce that "I have a wife at home" emerged at that point to block the full realization of his strong attraction towards that diminutive lady.

Based upon some other associations especially regarding his father, also a retired pastor, when it was suggested that the death of the 80 year old pastor is causing a vicarious satisfaction of his death wishes towards his own father - arising from brutal treatment he and his mother had received from the father while growing up - and the guilt over it was keeping him awake, the patient rejected the construction.

"These two people's death could not have disturbed me that much,"  he got defensive.

But he immediately remembered a dream that he had seen a few days after the death of those two.

The dream was short: Jesus comes to my house and asks me how I am doing. And tells me that when you die you will go to heaven.  I tell Him that I am not ready to die. He says don't worry about it. Your time is not up yet.

The dream was interpreted on the following lines. That since he took responsibility for the death of the pastor and her sister's friend, he deserved punishment. In the dream the wish for punishment had been fulfilled according to the law of talion - eye for an eye - and he had died and was meeting his Maker. However, the wish to continue living was making its presence felt as well. And so instead of his going to heaven to meet his Maker, his Maker was coming to him and far from declaring that he was dead was actually assuring him that his time was not up yet.  Further assurance that on death he will go to heaven was to nullify his fear of going to hell for causing the death of those two church people. Patient had grown up listening to fire and brimstone sermons from his pastor father.

At this interpretation, which the patient fully agreed with, led him to confess that he lied when he said that the death of those two people had nothing to do with his insomnia. In fact he is unable to sleep because he is having racing thoughts ever since their death. But strangely they are exclusively about his wife 's death and not theirs.

"My racing thoughts are all about my wife's funeral and what will happen to me if she dies. I am already mourning for her death. I was doing the same once before in the 1990's when the psychiatrist who I was seeing then said there is a psychological term for mourning for somebody's death even before they die. He told me the exact word, but it was such a mouthful that I assumed it was not meant for the patients to remember it."

"Is it possible that behind the advanced mourning for your wife's death lies the wish for her to actually die so you can be free to marry that tiny wife of the pastor?" I could make that construction because I knew how much that patient, who is over 300 pounds, is attracted towards petite women.

"What an idea." The patient protested. This was expected as he is a very religious man and being unfaithful is out of question for his conscious mind. But he indirectly confirmed the accuracy of the interpretation by stating "it is strange that recently my wife cannot cuddle up enough to me, as if she is afraid I will leave her," and added "I must say that I feel very sorry for that little woman, who is in her fifties, and already a widow.  I always felt sorry for her for being just 54 and married to that 80 year old man. But that is my nature, I get easily attached to people who are suffering."

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Dread of passive homosexual contact underlying obsessive handwashing in a young man

A young man, reported that he has to wash his hands whenever he comes home from outside. He has been seeing me, though very sporadically for the last 8 years for his obsessional neurosis. His symptoms wax and wane, and on this visit he was especially proud that other than for washing hands most other compulsions were under control.

When casually asked as to what must lie behind such a compulsion to wash hands, he replied, "People touch door knobs, gas pumps, grocery carts, and the thought that I must have touched the same objects after them makes me feel so dirty. I have never liked feeling dirty. That I may be taking my hand that has touched these dirty things,  loaded with germs, to my face and mouth, makes me feel so yucky.

"I bite my nails, so it is important that I don't bring those germs inside my mouth."

The last statement made me pay special attention to what he was saying. For we know behind germ phobia lies fear of contamination which is basically a fear of sexual contact. Ultimately the phobia of touching is dread of sexual contact.

And I wondered whether in this young man's case the fear of germs coming in to contact with his mouth and face was not fear of inadvertently submitting himself to passive oral homosexual submission which his ego revolts at and demands that such a repugnant thought must be undone by washing his hands over and over again.


Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Racing thoughts not always indicator of Bipolar Disorder

'Racing thoughts' is a very common symptom, and the knee-jerk reaction of the psychiatrist is to immediately chalk it as a manifestation of  Bipolar Disorder and reach for his prescription pad to prescribe Depakote or Lamictal or some other mood stabilizer.

Today a patient of mine came to the office complaining of racing thoughts which on analysis showed themselves to be the result of an interesting psychological conflict, and if their origin was in some bipolarity gene the connection was not easy to see.

Patient initially was not too enthusiastic about giving any details, declaring that they were nothing more than  random everyday stuff. But on imploring her to describe them anyway, for however fragmentary the recall it may still have something to teach us,  she hesitantly summarized them as brother and sister thoughts and  religious thoughts.  And added that they have been driving her crazy for over a week, and stated that if they persist in this fashion she is headed for another breakdown. She has a long history of slipping in to confusional psychosis when her anger gets out of bounds; a legacy of sexual abuse she suffered in hands of her brothers as a child.

Then the session drifted to some other themes and in some connection she mentioned that her sister-in-law's brother died the other day, which upset her greatly.

"Are you talking about the family of the brother who lives in St. Clair Shores?" I asked her.

"No the one who lives in Florida. It is his wife's brother who died."

"Why would death of someone so remotely related to you, living in another state, get you so upset?"

"Well, I knew him well too. He was a billionaire - [in reality a multimillionaire, but in her eyes as good as a billionaire] - and therefore it would not surprise me if my sister-in-law - for she is that kind of woman - would not go to the court to get part of the inheritance."

"Is that what lies behind your racing brother and sister  thoughts?"

"There is a definite connection. For they started after I heard of his death. But the actual brother and sister  about whom I cannot stop thinking are the lady I take care of - Darla - and her brother. You know Darla, the 93 year old lady, who I have been looking after her for years, doing practically everything for her, taking her to doctors, her hair appointments, the bank, cleaning her house, it is she who I was thinking about, along with her 87 year old brother. It is Darla and her brother who are the subject of the brother and sister thoughts."

"And what exactly are the thoughts?"

"That she is the oldest of the siblings - all her brothers and sisters are dead except for this 87 year old brother - so she must be wanting him to die first, while he being the oldest of the boys  must want her to die first. They both must think they have the first right to outlive the other, she being head of the family, girl wise, and he head of the family, boy wise. But mind you, it is not that they who think that way. All that warped thinking is mine. They are both sick and in hospitals, and God knows what they are thinking. For all you know they are too sick to think at all."

"You would not be thinking about their deaths in this bizarre fashion, and on and on, unless there was some  advantage to you from one of them dying earlier. By the way, the religious thoughts that alternate with brother and sister thoughts must be to counter the evil of the death thoughts."

"Yes, I feel very ashamed and disturbed for thinking about their death in this manner. So to neutralize it I think of holy thoughts which will make God forgive me for indulging in the horrible ones."

"Now these thoughts were provoked by your thinking that your sister-in-law will sue her brother's family to get some of the inheritance. So what is about Darla and her brother that if one dies before the other you stand to profit?"

"Well, if she dies first, he will inherit everything she possesses. Except for her jewellery, which she has specifically willed to me. But if he dies first then I will inherit not just the jewellery but everything else as well. Because she cannot stand her sister-in-law. She has willed her possession to her brother. But if he dies before her, she does not want her sister-in-law to inherit anything for she is not part of the family, in her eyes. She is 93, her brother is 87, and her sister-in-law is up their too. And all three have no children or any other  relatives.

"And funny thing is that none of them have any use for the money. For they are either in the hospital or in hospice or in nursing home, barely hanging on to life. While I can use that money. I have children and grandchildren, and they are struggling in this economy. But I feel bad about thinking so crassly and so I do my best to block such thoughts out. But without success. For they keep returning, especially when I go to bed.  Then I resort to religious thoughts to keep the base ones out of my mind. In fact, I pray that I should get nothing for thinking this way. Not even get the jewellery. For that is what I deserve."

Theoretical discussion:

The racing thoughts which have become such a part and parcel of the symptomatology of Bipolar Disorder are really obsessive thinking. They occur in Bipolar Disorder, but can occur in lot of other illnesses as well. They were viewed as deliria of obsessional neurotics by Freud, and he considered them as secondary and tertiary elaboration of the original obsessive conflict. Mood swings occur to control the obsessions. When one triumphs over thinking of the bad thoughts, the person goes into uplifted spirits, till the obsessions return and anxiety takes over. A blockage of all thinking results in melancholic mood.

Behind the racing thoughts lie anxiety/fear. The affect which compels one to run away from dangerous fearful situation/object. When we cannot run away with our feet, we run away with our thoughts. The woman was really running away from her wish that the brother die first. But such death wishes were contrary to her religious upbringing and therefore she was invoking the religious thoughts to help her suppress the unacceptable death thoughts. But the idea that her children and  grandchildren can use that money much better than those octagenarian sister-in-law who has no children and on whose death all that money would go to the State, would not leave her thinking process at rest. So it was these two contrary impulses, unable to cancel each other out, that were fueling her racing thoughts.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Dream within a dream and its psychoanalysis

A young man in his late twenties reported the following dream which he had dreamt two nights in a row. He labelled it as dream within a dream.

I awaken out of a dream only to find myself in my own bed in my own apartment. My wife is standing next to the bed , fully dressed, shaking me and asking me if I would like her to make me a cup of coffee. I say "yes please", and as soon as my wife leaves the bedroom I fall back to sleep only to find myself in a dream within a dream in which I remember no details.

I didn't even realize I was dreaming until I got up and had to make my own cup of coffee. For only then I realized that my wife could not have asked me if would like coffee for me for she was at work. So my waking out of the dream, and the subsequent interaction in the awake state with my wife, was also part of the dream.

When asked if there was any difference in that recurrent dream from one night to the next, the patient said on one night she offered to make coffee while on the second night she offered to bring a 4-hour energy drink.

Neither the patient nor me initially could make any sense out of the dream. The associations were scanty and soon we drifted into exploring his other dreams, one of which was of his getting chased through an underground sewer with his wife, with menacing authorities, like policemen from some science fiction movie,  shooting at them. The menacing authorities were without difficulty analyzed as father substitutes.

Patient then recalled that on both the nights he was feeling extremely angry towards his uncle which was preventing him from falling asleep for hours.  From previous therapy sessions I was aware as to how much hatred and anger he harbors towards his father and his uncle, his father's brother. For the father had been physically and verbally abusive towards the patient throughout his childhood. "Always pissed and always critical" was his judgment upon his father. His uncle had become entangled with the imago of his father for in his late adolescence, to escape the tyranny of his father, he had moved to Indiana to live with his uncle and had found, after a short honeymoon period, that the uncle was a spitting image of his father - verbally abuse, bipolar in his anger, and highly critical.

His current rage towards his uncle - behind which lay his rage towards his father - was precipitated because around Christmas time the uncle had ordered him to take his mother - patient's grandmother - to her Florida home for the winter.  The patient had declined to do so because of his agoraphobia. The uncle had then flown in a rage at the refusal, and the patient was anticipating harm from him. He declared, "My  uncle is still holding a grudge against me, despite my calling him three times to make amends."

On the nights of the dream, he could not fall asleep until 6 in the morning, fuming at his uncle and also fearing that if he [patient] runs in to him [uncle], the latter will physically attack him. "My uncle is a man who is always talking guns, going to gun ranges and getting even with all those who have crossed his path. He is truly bipolar and you can never predict when he will flip his lid and lunge at you."

It was easy to analyze the dream then. The anger at, and hence fear of retaliation from, his uncle was preventing him from falling asleep. Finally the sleep had come. But the angry thoughts and fear of retaliation which had retained their cathexis (charge)/strength - could not quieted.  And they were acting as a disturber of sleep. The disturbance was handled by the emergence/creation of the dream which was telling him to not bother getting up because he was already up and in the safety of his apartment and not only that but also getting catered to by his wife.  This was what the dream was showing, taking away the need to actually get up, and allowing him to continue his sleep. The dream's purpose was to show him not in a dangerous place where he had to fear his father and his uncle, and other menacing forces,  but in the safety of his own apartment, in his own bed, and with his protective wife around.

His falling back asleep and then dreaming inside the dream where there were no details was the fulfillment of the wish to sleep with no disturbances. A sleep in which there were no arousing factors,  no return of the memories of his abusive father, his revengeful uncle, and host of other enemies, for he had been repeatedly victimized growing up by his peers. So his wish for a dreamless peaceful sleep was getting fulfilled by dreaming of a dream which had no details - a dream with no disturbing elements.

The 4-hour energy drink was a kind of reassurance that no you are not asleep but awake because your wife has given you a drink which will keep your alert and vigilant for at least four hours. He told me that when he woke up at around 10 O clock he noticed he had slept for exact 4 hours. 

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Tracing the psychogenic origin of psychogenic polydipsia in an anxious woman

A woman in her late forties, a divorced mother of two children, who sees me for anxiety and insomnia, revealed that she loves to drink water, especially when she can put lots of ice in it, and loves the sound of the ice cubes clicking in that tall glass.

"How much water do you drink?"

"As much as I can. Easily 15 to 16 glasses a day."

The patient was astonished to learn that so much water is bad for her, and that anxiety and insomnia could be getting worse due to excessive water intake and shot back, "I always thought the more water you drink, the better it is for you. It flushes everything 'bad' out of you."

"I am not quite sure how much bad it flushes out of you, but it sure flushes the salt out of your system, and if the serum sodium gets too low, it causes anxiety, and if your heart and kidneys get overwhelmed with water, unable to pump or excrete it out respectively, a whole lot of other problems start, including swelling of your legs, and other areas of your body, including your brain."

Patient stretched out her hands to show me her fingers and admitted that her fingers are swollen, but could not believe that water could be harmful. She insisted that everybody tells you to drink more water. Every health  guru tells you to flush your system. Can they all be wrong? For besides cleaning your system, water fills up your stomach so you don't feel hungry. "You kill two birds with one stone."

"But at a huge price," I added. "It keeps you anxious, ruins your kidneys in the long run, and is an extraordinary burden upon your heart, which has to pump extra fluid through the circulatory system. So don't drink water unless you feel thirsty."

"I only drink when I am thirsty. I am always thirsty."

But then she changed her mind, and admitted that it is not thirst that makes her drink but perhaps an obsession to drink, and an obsession to hear the sound of clicking ice. She confessed that she drinks so much water that she has to go to the bathroom all night long. She is up every hour of the night emptying her bladder, and no wonder gets no sleep.

Tracing this obsession of hearing the sound of clicking ice led us to discover that her father and mother both were alcoholics. And it is the ambiance of drinking that she wants to create in her life."It is like the drug addicts. They too are more in the ambiance of doing drugs than seeking the actual effects of the drugs. I too perhaps want the ambiance of drinking but without the stupid effects of alcohol upon my mind," she said.

Patient added that she hates drinking. She cannot stand the smell of alcohol and can spot someone who has had even a single drink. She had to share a bedroom with an older sister who was a drinker, and she detested her drinking, and it was not hard to decipher analytically that behind that detestation of alcohol lay her dislike of her sister and behind that her Oedipal rivalry with her mother.

Further comments by the patient revealed that under the excessive water drinking was the unconscious wish to flush her mother out of her system. The clicking of ice was connected with her mother taking two glasses of brandy every night. The mother worked hard all day long and felt she was entitled to two tall glasses of brandy at night. She (mother) did not consider herself an alcoholic.

"My mother was an obsessive like myself. And did everything in excess. If she smoked, she smoked a packet of cigarettes in 2 hours. She did not all day long, but once she poured that brandy in that glass, she had to chain smoke and finish that entire packet in couple of hours. Quite often there would be two or three cigarettes lighted at the same time. When she drank she developed "ratchet jaw". She was afraid of my father, and his ugly drunk self. She was always inhibited and quiet. But when drinking she could talk and talk. She would call one person after another and gab endlessly.

"I am the same way but with water. I don't want to drink or smoke. But perhaps my desire to imitate my mother and be a drinker and smoker like her I do so through obsessively drinking water. The only thing I permit myself in which I actually become my mother is to click those ice cubes in the glass. Rest of everything about my mother and all the other damn alcoholics I detest, and want to flush them out of my system."

Sunday, December 18, 2011

White matter defects, anxiety and a few psychoanalytic observations

Recently I came across a write-up in Psychiatric News (May 20 2011) about a research conducted by Lars Westlye and associates in Norway (Arch of General Psychiatry April 2011) which shows that anxious people have disrupted white matter in amygdala and the areas that are networked with it namely: hippocampus, thalamus, subgenual cingulate and orbitofrontal cortices.

It sparked some thoughts in me which though speculative are worth penning down here.

The excerpt does not tell us what the authors mean by disruptive white matter. Perhaps they left it vague on purpose. And they use the term integrity, an even more ambiguous word, to explain disruption, and in a circular fashion explain disruption as decrease of integrity of the white matter, within and between cortices.

One can assume they are using 'disruption' and 'integrity' interchangeably, and what they mean is that the axonal connections between the gray matter (neuronal cell bodies) of the above mentioned cortices are not very good in anxious people. For the white matter is made up of axons. And the latter are cables of communication between brain cells.

Why is the communication between these brain areas not up to par in anxious?

Are anxious people born that way? Is the pathology inherited with the abnormal genes directing such axonal miswiring?

The authors thinks so, and do wonder whether drugs can be developed which will repair the disintegrity of the white matter. And add that genes responsible for anxiety bring this via defects in the brain white matter.

The excerpt does not tell us the evolutionary advantage/rationale behind such waywardness of axonal wiring.

Does anxiety confer benefits? And if it does what a strange mechanism to achieve this - disruption of neuronal connections!

If we get out of the mindset that anxiety is our enemy, and a precursor of Depression and Schizophrenia, which many claim it is - actually anxiety is precursor of all mental problems - and must be immediately quashed with drugs, we may be able to better understand the factors that generate anxiety and its adaptive functions.

What generates anxiety?

Amygdala of course, one may smartmouth.

But that does not tell us very much. Why did Amygdala evolve in the first place? And hanging the hat upon amygdala, how useful it is in treating anxiety clinically?

Whether anxiety is generated by Amygdala or Hippocampus or Medulla Oblangata or the Spinal Cord or even the liver, it really does not matter, at least not when one is sitting across the patient in the office trying to make sense as to why he is so anxious.T he patient may get very impressed by such tongue twisters, and may give you more respect than you deserve thinking you know some cool stuff, but it will be no more than a shared illusion. Knowing which Brodmann areas of the brain get activated, or go quiescent, when one is anxious is good business for cutting edge PBS documentaries, motivational speakers who invoke half-baked psychological concepts on the strength of MRI slides to raise your self esteem and capture your attention,  and those psychiatrists who think that essence of psychiatry lies in impressing patients with one's knowledge of neurology, but knowing the anatomy of anxiety circuits helps not one whit in dealing with it in practice.  

But instead of digressing in to polemics let us examine what we know about anxiety at the clinical level.

The first thing we notice is that anxiety appears to be more prevalent in those whose nervous system appears to be genetically superior not impaired. Maybe we should start appreciating presence of anxiety more as an indicator of superior genetic inheritance and less as a harbinger of more serious mental illnesses.

And it is not difficult to see why. If you have more neurons [nerves] the more attributes you will have, but also greater liability for the rich store of neuronal networks going haywire and turning you into a bundle of nerves (nervousness). And in fact having more neurons/nerves bestows advantage only in the long run and not always. In the beginning, it is, more often than not, a handicap. For a heavily endowed nervous system is a double edged sword. Failure to find the right developmental environment which would facilitate proper and adequate axonal connections between these rich clusters (nuclei) of neurons can turn the heavily loaded  nervous system in to an organization where its components are more at cross purposes than in harmony.

If you look at children with ADHD, who are very often quite nervous and neurologically awkward in social situations and in class rooms where they have to learn things which allows no motor outlets but listening to  lectures which are boring at that level of maturity, they generally show a wonderfully coordinated and rich nervous system when playing fast-paced sports. As if while playing sports the neuronal nuclei (Gray matter) generally employed for such tasks can find proper connection with each other without difficulty, unlike in situations where the child has to show social etiquette which are more appropriate for the hypocritical world of the adults and in class rooms where essence of the world is distilled for them not directly but by aid of language and other symbolic systems which their impatient system is not yet ready to deal with but reluctantly.

And this may sound counter intuitive but longevity itself appears to be positively associated with anxiety. Most people I see in their Eighties and Nineties, I find they were worry warts all their lives. As if worrying about something happening to them through illness (hypochondriasis/obsessive somatic anxiety) made them take good care of their health to the very last days of their life. Granted many of them did not show overt anxiety - hiding it through binding it with obsessive behaviors and rituals - but there is little doubt that constant anxiety about something harmful happening to them had made them live extra carefully, enabling them to keep their illnesses at bay longer than non-worriers.

Perhaps we can reject the crude assumption that anxious disposition is due to some inherited abnormality in the development of axonal connections arising out of bad genes. In fact it may be quite the reverse: there may be superior genes lying behind sparse connections.

If we go forward with the assumption that anxiety is not an illness, but an affective signal arriving at the consciousness, telling the ego (organized part of the self) to "anticipate harm" and gear up for "fight or flight", which gets pathologically intense in some people, we may be able to shed some light on the problem of why sparse and abnormal connections may exist between different cortical centers, including amygdala, in anxious individuals.

Anxious people are all the time preparing themselves either to run away or fight with some anticipated danger. But what surprises us is the pathological intensity of the fear and about things that are most unlikely to happen.  Depending upon what these dangers symbolize to the worrier in his unconscious, they may worry about such remote things as tornadoes, getting cancer, the family dying with carbon monoxide or food poisoning, financial disaster, taking a business trip to California because of running in to earthquake, skin blemishes that nobody would notice, to name a few. And so the average psychiatrist rightly assumes that such worry warts are out of their mind and deserve to be soaked with drugs and brainwashing - though they euphemistically give the latter the respectable acronym CBT [Cognitive Behavioral Therapy].

What kind of people are those who make mountain out of molehills?

Here we make a gratifying discovery.

Higher the intelligence greater is the perspicacity in seeing the dangerous aspect of things. And one who sees more danger than friendliness in one's universe is compelled to practice greater vigilance and preparedness to bolt from and/or attack the source of danger. And why would it be not so. A rock has no intelligence and hence no readiness to react if someone comes to blow it up with dynamite. The tree has no such preparedness either, despite being living and thus having choices, when they come to cut it down. A multipede on the other hand runs when you try to stomp it, while a lion is likely to attack you back instead of taking off. A monkey may pretend to run from a tiger, go up the tree, and then from behind pull the tiger's tail as I recently saw in a hilarious U-tube posting.

So higher the organism in the evolutionary scale, greater is the preparation to deal with the danger through running away or fighting back with it, even making a game of it.

But why would this superior evolutionary status also makes a person do things that are counter to his interests, in fact, often ruinous to his body? For a sustained fear of harm from things and issues that one can do nothing about keeps the person tense and tight, with sweaty palms, vigilant eyes, and a revved up cardiovascular, glucocorticoid and immune systems.

And how can we look upon the behavior of anxious folks, who to avoid danger are often frozen into inactivity, locked up inside the house, sometimes afraid to the point of leaving their bedroom, as a product of superior genes?

It appears that people with superior neuronal endowment often have a problem in finding proper and sufficient  outlet for their 'bounty' of neuronal masses. For neurons need discharge for a person to rest. So when the time comes for a particular neuronal mass to get activated and be included in the already existing neuronal networks, instead of making orderly entrance and enriching the person's repertoire of behaviours they can easily emerge in a chaotic fashion and as a drag upon the overall functioning, if the handlers of the child are not doing their job right or if the strength of the drives is overwhelming and incompatible with his other drives. It has to be that way because if you have more attributes [drives] then more strongly they will express themselves and try to jostle each other out.

Since neuronal networks often work by strengthening each other if they can make a common cause, and inhibiting each other if they are on cross purposes, the person with a high neuronal load has greater necessity to develop proper networkings - sympathetic harmony - to find sufficient outlets for his drives/needs.

And here the factor of environment comes in to play.

So in genetically predisposed individuals lack of enough or too punitive or too much stimulation during childhood leads to the development of a nervous system where its different parts are in cross purposes; acting independently of each other rather than in sympathetic harmony. And it is this lack of proper connections between different nuclei of the brain, each of them acting more independently than they would have if they had received ideal upbringing, that causes anxiety. For anxiety appears to be a subjective realization that one's nervous system is too revved up. If more neuronal circuits are active and functioning without proper coordination, more will be the subjective sense of anxiety. For anxiety is best conceptualized as highly activated brain nuclei, all ready to go, but with insufficient networking between them to allow a properly coordinated discharge.

Let us see this obtuse theoretical discussion in clinical light.

Let us take a child in throes of Oedipal Conflict. In this highly conflictual phase of development, the networks of neuronal masses that govern child's libidinal attraction towards the mother are in conflict with his libidinal attraction towards his father, both of which are in conflict with the neuronal networks that enforce repression across the board upon all libidinal expression. All three trends are opposed to each other. And they all strive for expression (discharge). For only their expression, and thus discharge, will cause neuronal quiescence and rest and cessation of anxiety.

Now the ideal situation would be for all three neuronal masses to develop rich connections back and forth between them in a manner that will allow maximal expression for each. But such optimal expression - sympathetic harmony between the three subsystems - will occur through mutual compromises (proper inhibitory activities between them), since the three trends are basically opposed to each other.

Now if the environment where the child is being raised is not quite proper, there will be abnormal connections between these three trends; more inhibitions than necessary in some circuitry, while excessive strengthening of others. For example if the parents are emotionally or physically unavailable to the child, or they are in frequent fights with each other, or are excessively punitive or threatening to the child, there will be weak libidinal expression towards both of them, and consequently towards all external objects and auroerotic narcissistic masturbatory activities will become the preferred mode of expression of the libido. The networks connecting the ego (the organized part of the self) with the neuronal substrates (imagos) of parents will become weak (inhibited), while there will be greater activation of the neuronal substrates of one's own ego (narcissism) whenever there is libidinal arousal.

Again taking a different Oedipal scenario. If the mother is too dependent or seductive towards the child then there will be excessive libidinal connections between the child and the mother, and generation of unusually strong hatred towards the father and poor axonal connections between his imago and the self.

In short growing up involves different brain nuclei coming into their prime at different phases of development, and the absolute quantity of their expression depends upon the facilitatory and inhibitory connections that they make with other nuclei. These connections while mostly phylogenetically determined, also depend upon what kind of environment one is growing up in. If the environment is too punitive or too permissive or simply emotionally unavailable then all kinds of abnormalities develop in their interconnections, leaving these nuclei to function more independently instead of in harmony. This results in their inability to find discharge, which causes the person to be in a state of more or less continous alert, which is perceived by consciousness as anxiety.

Perhaps the above discussion is still too theoretical and incomprehensible, so let us examine case history of an actual child.

A four year old child who was happily adjusted to life - though even from an age as early as 11 months he showed a phobia of elevators and closed places and had shown great difficulty in separating from his parents (neophobia)- suddenly developed fears of all kinds, especially of animals.

Analysis showed that he was in an intense Oedipal libidinal longing for his mother, which was generating unbearable hostility towards his father. Besides animals, he showed fear of big vehicles, darkness, large spaces, anything massive and new. They were all displaced fear of his father. The unconscious logic behind fearing these father substitutes was that they were coming to get him for harboring evil intentions: "If my father only got wind of what I am thinking of doing to him, he will come after me with the ferocity of these frightening entities and objects."

Why the Oedipal phase was so strong in this boy?

The genetics of course played a major role. Both the parents were anxiety prone. But there were environmental factors as well. While both his parents loved him very much, they had drifted apart from each other and the mother had been using the boy to fulfill her need to love passionately. She had taken the child as a replacement for her self-absorbed husband. So here was the element of too much facilitation of white matter between the mother and child, setting the stage for too much inhibitions of those axonal connections that were networking libidinal bonding between him and his father.

But the boy's fever pitch hostility could not go on indefinitely. The hatred was generating images in his consciousness that were showing his father getting eaten up by a leopard or meeting some other equally violent fate. Just before the outbreak of his neurosis he had seen a Disney animated Tarzan movie, which showed in graphic details Tarzan locked in mortal combat with a leopard. The scenes were extraordinarily frightening and unpredictable had highly stimulated and scared the child. Few weeks later he had come down with the fear of animals. 

Why the fear had not emerged directly as that of father but of a father substitute the leopard or rather other animals around his house which were again substitutes for the leopard?

This was the result of the inhibitions generated by the neuronal networks of libido between him and his father - for he loved his father very dearly too. So the neuronal masses that generated his love for his father were sending impulses to block the neuronal masses that harbored his hatred for him

Additional inhibitions were sent upon his own ego [the neuronal networks that gave him sense of self] that was producing the motor images of his father getting killed as well, and also upon the neuronal circuits that were generating his libidinal motor impulses towards his mother.

And these inhibitions had a far reaching consequences upon his subsequent development. He lost much of his interest in books and reading, a skill which he had just acquired, because his primary image of his father was of him reading, and he did not want to come in to Oedipal competition with his father on this matter.

A whole range of Tourettian impulses arose in him as well, which were displacement of motor images to attack his father with knives and other objects. These were derived from his suspicion that his father did similar sadistic things to his mother - a reverberation of infantile sexual theories that children make up at that age to solve the riddle of sexuality and childirth.

His phobic fears subsided after he suddenly became obsessed with a Christmas song, "I saw Mommy kissing Santa Cluas." He insisted that the song be played all the time, and his parents had to find as many versions of it as they could from department stores, because his love for the song was insatiable. Santa Claus symbolized the father of course, and it was acknowledgment of his Oedipal defeat and reconciliation with the unpalatable reality that the mother belonged more to father than to him.

The obsession with that Christmas song soon changed into an obsession with numbers and he showed some remarkably precocious abilities with mathematics. The roots of this obsession with numbers at bottom were an attempt to first conjure up images of his father's death and then undo it.

As to his phobias, they changed from specific objects to a generalized fear. Animals were no longer feared, nor was darkness and open spaces and the big sculptures of dinosaurs etc. in the local park. All these symbols of father ceased to be the dreaded objects they had been  for a few months. And with the development of a generalized anxiety his love for his mother and father both showed a dramatic fall, and he became more interested in watching libidinal tendencies of other people - people who were not family. Along with the development of this incest barrier there was also a change in his libidinal expression. Instead of everything  being about him and his parents, he became more interested in the libidinal activities of the world at large. From an actor he became a spectator. 

How all this is connected with inadequate and disrupted white matter connections between amygdala and other nuclei?

In this boy who had a volcanic eruption of the Oedipal phase of sexuality, within a family structure where there was inadequate love between the parents, and where there was too much closeness between him and his mother, the neuronal networks that were forged by Oedipal conflicts were done in less than ideal manner. His hostility towards his father emerged way too strong, and which could be contained only by turning it against his own ego that left whole range of excessive inhibitions in reading and other cognitive tasks and caused mild Tourette's and moderate obsessions.

I will conjecture that it is these kinds of inhibitions that show up in the MRIs of anxious people as disorders of white matter.





Friday, October 7, 2011

A premonitory dream which turned out to be something totally different

A man in his early fifties dreamt the following which he claimed told him about his uncle's death in advance hence it was psychic.

I see my cousin Gary from far. Though he could be my brother Mike. Actually he is my brother Mike but when I approach him there is a real sad expression on his face as if some one has died. And though he is Mike, the sad expression is that of Gary [which the patient had seen on his face, few months ago, when his mother had died].

The next day we got the phone call that Uncle Joe died. Since Gary is Uncle Joe's son the dream was telling me that Uncle Joe has died, for I never dream about Gary.

I asked him if he was expecting Uncle Joe to die. He was a little wishy-washy on that. For admitting to it meant giving up a little of the glory of having dreamt something before it happened, but being an honest man, the patient admitted that Uncle Joe recently had been very sick, and was refusing food, bath, change of clothes, or even shifting from one particular spot where he had stationed himself. Furthermore, for some time, he was preoccupied with his experience in Pearl Harbor, where he was one of the three members of a ship to survive the bombing. In the days before his death he would sit in one spot refusing to budge, re-experiencing that fateful day. He had been heavily decorated for that survival and it had become the defining event of his life. Patient had correctly sensed his Uncle's approaching death in his clinging to the moment when he had once before successfully defied death.

So the premonition was about a death which was not at all unexpected.

When asked if he could think of something that would account for appearance of Gary in the dream, about whom he never ever thinks in his waking life, and he recalled that his sister had mentioned that she was throwing a party where all his cousins including Gary were invited. He had not been invited because she had taken for granted that he will not come. He avoids all social events unless he has absolutely no choice. So here was the link to why he saw Gary in such a sad state. The idea that Gary would be laughing and enjoying the party at his sister's while he would be sitting sullen in his condo had provoked the wish for his cousin to be miserable. It was saying in the language of dream that you got invited by my sister while I did not but don't feel too uppity on me because you had to suffer the death of your mother which made you so sad while my mother is still alive. [The patient lives with his mother].

So the sad expression on Gary's face in the dream was not just to get even with him for being invited to a party where he was not but it was also representing the reaction of a dutiful son to his mother's death.

So the sad expression was representation of how a person would feel at his mother's death and not a sign from the spirit world that Uncle Joe had died.

The patient admitted that it was not that he had the dream and knew that it meant that Uncle Joe had died but when he heard the news that Uncle Joe had died he recalled that he had had a dream that predicted it. So the dream was in amnesic state till he had actually heard the news of the death.

But why would he dream about Gary's sad expression at his mother's funeral which had occurred a year ago? And why the sadness was shown on his brother Mike's face?

So I asked the patient to describe the dream once again and give as many details as he can recall.

"I was walking on the corridor. It had blue carpet. It was not Gary but Mike that I saw first. He had silver hair over his ears. When I came close to him did I notice that sad expression and felt he was Gary."

"Where is that blue carpet taken from?"

"From the hospital. The hospital has blue carpet and so does your office."

"So is the dream saying that if your mother died you would be as sad as Gary and in fact it would get you to react so strongly that you will require to see me more often and may even require you to go to hospital?"

Patient agreed that recently he has been preoccupied with his mother's death. And since he lives with her and has to take care of her the thought often comes that he would be free of the responsibility if she dies. And the thought is very distasteful to him.

"Where is the silver hair above the ear comes from?"

"My father had silver hair just like that. And I am noticing that Mike is showing the same silver streak in his hair. And I guess I felt the same kind of sadness at my father's death as Gary did at his mother's. And I bring in Mike and my father in to the dream showing them as sad as Gary, for they will be hurt too in the same fashion, if my wish for my mother's death comes true. The conflict over which, as you know, keeps me depressed and causes all kinds of obsessive symptoms. For my love for my mother cannot tolerate the idea of her dying."